The Family Writes Part 3: Ways to Journal

I started writing in a journal when I was eight but didn't write consistently until my Jr. High English teachers, Mr. Rit and Ms. Ursprung, required it of me. I still have those spiral notebooks, with John Halgrin's drawing of the Roadrunner on the front of one. When I was in high school I took a keyboarding class and practiced my typing each day as I'd write a single spaced page about the happenings in my life. These volumes are a treasure to me as a record from the past.

Journaling is deeply personal, and the way one writes is personal. Here are a few format ideas you can use to make journal writing experience more meaningful to you.

Hardbound diaries:
“Dear Diary, I think I'm in love!” The for-my-eyes-only approach to journal writing is old school and its benefit is that you can write anything you want without having to worry about being judged. There's also something to be said about slowing down to a thoughtful handwriting pace.


Letters and Emails: These stories and details about life have a slightly broader audience than oneself. I treasure the binders of hand written letters and copies of emails I wrote to my parents, as well as the typed excerpts from the letters my mom wrote daily to her parents. These capture the flavor of my early childhood.

Blogs: The audience is even greater with a blog, which hopefully inspires photos and better organization. Some people write weekly or monthly about recent family vacations or craft projects. You can upload your blog pictures and paste the blog text into Snap Fish, choose your formatting preferences and viola! A hardbound keepsake.

Facebook posts:  Speaking of copying and pasting...I have quite a few pages accumulated from copying and pasting my daily Facebook posts into a Word doc. I love looking back at these peeks into my days. Then I take the funny kid quotes from each of my children and organize them into a page or two of their own each year, which I print out and put into their photo albums. If your posts and photos on Facebook are all part of your history, you may prefer to have a company like Blurb or My SocialBook create the journal for you, as they automatically download and format everything from the parameters you select.

Calendars: Some people journal by writing a few bullet points about each day, but I already have events listed on my calendar. I love skimming old calendars and remembering places, friends, and events. It is an amazing way to track priorities and how time (or as I like to call it, life) has been spent.

Time Line:  My husband's old professor, Ray George, made him a sketchbook which was very, very horizontal. When we got married, we decided to use it to track our life together with a timeline. Each page spread usually covers a year, and each month is listed with major events: our first kiss, the marriage proposal, new jobs, births, deaths, trips, and art shows. We usually include the best 6 or so photographs from the year. If brevity is the soul of wit, this time line is extremely witty. We fit 15 years into this volume and are now working on a second.

Video Diary: Some people like to sit in front of a video camera or phone and record how things are going in their lives or with a project. This is a great idea because you get all the non-verbal cues, the fatigue or enthusiasm that goes along. I like to use my two to three minute video summary of each year to document the fun stuff. It's like the timeline but with music, more movement and fewer words.


Sketchbooks:  I remember all sorts of things when I look back on my sketchbooks, such as where I was and what I was doing. This is a travel sketchbook (the Quebec pages) from my young adult years.

Idea books:  Writers keep books with bits of conversations they hear on the subway, descriptions of how the air felt and the sun looked on a certain day. They keep ideas of titles, plots and characters. Ideas come from everywhere, and when these ideas are recorded, the source of inspiration can also be recorded.

Book of Lists: 
What are your top 10 favorite places on the planet? What brand names have won your loyalty? What are things that you have been afraid to try? What people have helped shaped your life? I think lists are fun to make and they can capture your essence in ways that others can't. I made my husband a list of 365 reasons I love him. There were dates for every day that year with something he did that I noticed or something I admire about him. Secretly adding to the list each day increased my love for him. List books can be a collaborative effort. My siblings and I made a similar gift of top 10 lists for my parents of  lessons taught, meals made and favorite quotes from them.

Dream Book:
When my oldest child was in pre-school he said,  "Martin Luther King had a dream...that he was being chased by killer robots." You can use whatever definition of dream that you'd like. Get a book and write your big life vision type of dreams: who you want to become and what you want to achieve. Or write the weird being chased by killer robot dream that you had the night before. Your choice.

The Family Writes Part 2: The Benefits of Journaling

In the last post, I talked about the benefits of a family narrative and knowing ancestral stories. Today, I'd like to list a few of the benefits from writing your personal narrative in a journal.

Writing in a journal can help you:
Heal
Journaling is very cathartic. Therapists are wonderful for letting you talk out your problems, but journals can have the similar benefits and save you the $50 copay. Writing allows you to release your stresses, burdens and frustrations through your pen and on to the paper so, you don't need to carry them around in your head.

Think
Writing requires you to organize thoughts and articulate them. I believe that it is through writing that one becomes not only a better writer, but a greater thinker.

Increase Objectivity
There have been times when I have been venting and realized how whiny and one-side my words came across on the page. I've stepped away and from myself and tried to see things more rationally and balanced, and then I am able to come up with the other side of the story.

Increase Happiness
Research has shown that people who keep a gratitude journal are happier. They get better at seeing the good that was already in their lives and good things seem to multiply as a result. Even if it's not a separate journal for documenting blessings, writing about positive experiences will make you feel great!

Increase Awareness
There are times in my day that I will pay special attention to something that is happening so that I can tell my husband about it that evening. I will remember a news story or conversation in greater detail if I know I'm going to share it later, even if it's with a blank book. Writing in a journal, means living life with a greater awareness.

Record History
There are events in my life that I had totally forgotten had taken place until paging through old journals. Details of a time and place that would have otherwise been lost have rushed back to me.  Besides, when there are discrepancies with friends or family members how something happened, the person with the journal entry holds the key to what really happened.

Track Growth   
In reading entries and documented conversations I had in high school, I can see how much I've matured. This gives me more patience with my own teenagers.

Track Miracles
Sometimes it's the seemingly insignificant decisions and events that lead to major life changes. You never know when that guy the secretary just introduced you to, will end up being your spouse, or plane ticket you just bought will affect where you live for the next half of your life.

Cultivate Humor
Journals are more fun when they are funny. Seeking out the humor in the day or even finding it after it happened when you sit down to journal is a great pleasure. And humor can be cultivated and make life in general more bearable.

Learn to Type
When I was in 9th grade and taking a keyboarding class, I'd come home and type a single spaced page a day about my day. My typing skills grew more rapidly than my peers as a result.

Journal writing is a hobby, a skill builder, a way to let off steam and see beauty. Why not dust off the old diary and get reacquainted with yourself?

The Family Writes

“The single most important thing you can do for your family may be the simplest of all,” according to Bruce Feiler, “develop a strong family narrative.” In his New York Times article, The Stories that Bind Us (March 15, 2013), he told of a study done by psychologist, Marshall Duke and Robyn Fivush, of Emory University, in which they asked children of four dozen families questions about their parents or grandparents. It is called the Do You Know Scale.

“Dr. Duke and Dr. Fivush then compared the children’s results to a battery of psychological tests the children had taken, and reached an overwhelming conclusion. The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned. The Do You Know Scale turned out to be the best single predictor of children’s emotional health and happiness” (Feiler, 2013).

I tried some of these questions on my own children. “Do you know about the day you were born?”

“The midwife had a fuzzy sweater!” my daughter exclaimed.

“Do you know how Dad and I met?”

"You were at Ohio State!" my son said.

“In the Art Department! Something about that guy Jeff,” my daughter hoped for extra points.

I don’t know whether or not the stories they’ve heard so many times are making them more successful and emotionally resilient but when I consider how I deal with frustration and setbacks, family narrative matters enormously. I often look to my ancestors, one of who was pelted with stones, ship wrecked, and driven from his home at gunpoint when he was near death with illness. Then I realize that maybe waiting eight months for a rejection letter from a publisher isn't such a big deal.

World War II ended on the day my uncle was supposed to be executed in a German prisoner of war camp. So maybe things will work out for me in the end too.

When elderly people have looked on disapprovingly at my unruly toddlers and lectured me about how children were well mannered “back in the day,” I could nod soberly while internally giggling at the fact that one of my ancestors, as a child, almost blew up the Mayflower.

It is a gift to be a part of a bigger story. It is a gift to know that people went before, and did hard things—and we can too. But family narrative is more than just stories of trials that keep us from whining, or stories of inspiration that keep us following our dreams. It is also the way we define ourselves.

When my middle child was twelve, I said, “I’m not sure if you know this or not, but education is pretty important to your dad and me.”

“Na-ah. Really?” he said sarcastically.

Of course he already knew. He knew without me needing to say it because he knows that at family reunions, when my parents sit down with their six children and our spouses around a campfire, there are thirty plus college degrees sitting around the campfire. He knows because he sees us studying, teaching, checking homework, and living on the academic calendar. I don’t need to say it explicitly, but I do it anyway, and when I do, I am articulating the narrative.

The other day I asked my family the five major things that define us and every person included fine arts, travel, education, and faith in their list. My kids haven’t ever met my Grammy Award winning/ Broadway performing cousins, but they know that music, dance, and art are important to our family and when they say it out loud they are articulating a narrative.

It is easier for a kid to stand up to peer pressure when she sees herself playing a role in the family narrative. “No thanks, we don’t smoke,” implies that she is not alone.

And in fact, kids are never alone when they have a family and a family story to tell, reflect upon, and be a part of.

The Most Important Story You Will Ever Write

In my last blog post I discussed how to borrow from your life to create a story. In this blog post, I want to talk about how to borrow from your stories to create a life.

A decade ago, I bought my first video camera. Instead of a Christmas newsletter that year, I made a disc with a 2-minute montage of the year's footage set to a Christmas song. It was a big year that included the birth of my daughter and a trip to Tonga. Ten video Christmas cards later, I have every big event during my daughter’s life, in a 27-minute film.

For the first couple of years, I just pulled out highlights from our family life and put them in the video after the fact. Now I imagine the video long before the year begins; I mentally story board how my year will look. I want spectacular scenery, which calls for a trip to someplace wonderful. I want the entire year to be represented, which means we need to make it a point to get out to events in every season. I dream, I plan, I fill my calendar with penciled in possibilities, and I live more intentionally.

In her book, Write it Down, Make it Happen, Henriette Anne Klauser compares writing goals to buying a blue Honda. Once you own a blue Honda, you start noticing all the blue Hondas that are on the road. Writing down goals or detailed stories about what your life could be, making mind maps or vision boards are all ways to open your eyes to opportunities that you hadn’t noticed before. All it takes is a pencil, piece of paper, and a little imagination.

Affirmations are another way to tell yourself a story that you then make come true. I wrote, “I love my job,” before I even got the interview at the Academy for the Blind. I’ve taught there for a semester now and (no big surprise) I love it!

It’s not magic. It’s mindset. When I say out loud, “I have such a great life!” or “I can do this,” I notice an immediate change in my body. I feel happier and more in control. Conversely, when I say, “You are making me crazy!” or “I’m never going to finish this project!” I can feel my blood pressure rising.

Making your dreams known can increase opportunities. Your friends will only tell you about a job opportunity or big guitar sale if they know you'd be interested in hearing about it. Several weeks ago I wrote on Facebook that I'd been wanting to go to St. Augustine, Florida. A friend read my post and invited my family to take a trip with hers. Short story short: this was the view from our hotel room last week.

Words have changed the course of human history; why not change the course of your own life for the better through writing.

Stealing Stories

It has been a month since the WIK 13 (Writing and Illustrating for Kids) conference in Birmingham at which keynote speaker, Matt de la Pena, made his call to “Plagiarize life!” For me, the idea that plagiarism can be a good thing echoes Picasso’s claim that “Good artists borrow. Great artists steal.”

No one is suggesting that we break any copyright laws.  Lazily slapping your name on someone else’s work does not make it yours. I believe that the spirit of these two mandates to “plagiarize” and “steal” is more about internalizing ideas and making them your own. It is about noticing, applying, and transforming. There’s nothing lazy about it.

When non-writers briefly meet a girl at a party named Charlie, they think “cool name” before walking away and never giving it another thought. When writers meet Charlie, they think “cool name for a meat-and-potatoes girl with a gift for sarcasm. This will be the friend of my protagonist in my next young adult novel.” Never mind that “Miss Marple” and “Eleanor Rigby” are the names of real people. Agatha Christie and Paul McCartney own those names now.

Of course writers take more than names; they borrow, steal, and plagiarize personality traits, feelings, and experiences. They steal from their own life!

Having a place (be it a poem, journal entry, stand up comedy routine, or screen play) to channel your experiences is a gift. A writing-mindset can turn unpleasant and uncomfortable experiences into stories. It can turn a painfully inefficient carpool lane into productive work time. It can turn drama queens and energy leaches into interesting characters.

Say your boss chews you out you in front of your co-workers. You could be filled with humiliation and hate. You could climb under a rock. You could plan your vengeance. OR you can step outside yourself and notice his popping eyes, the harshness of each word’s consonant sounds, and the stabbing, accusing finger. You can empathize with people who deal with rage-filled control freaks. Now you are qualified to write a believable scene about a child being bullied by his teacher!  You can exercise poetic justice on the pages because writers get the last word.

Embarrassing situations are easier to laugh at when you get into research mode. When you are focused on documenting an experience, you aren’t focused on yourself; when you are experience-conscious, you are less self-conscious.

Tonight as I pulled a cookie sheet of taco shells out of the oven, the kitchen filled with smoke and a burned chemical smell. One bite was one bite too many. When I checked the date on the box I realized that they had expired two years ago. (Obviously we Applebees don’t eat hard-shelled tacos very often).

“Good news!” I said, “These aren’t poisoned, they are just really old. We can still trust the company.”

“We can trust the company but we can’t trust you,” one of my sons chided.

I immediately remembered the dinner scene where Ramona and Beezus Quimby realized that they were eating tongue and that they could no longer trust their parents. I had to wonder if Beverly Clearly had ever unknowingly been fed or if she had ever fed some unknowing child something suspicious like cow tongue or rancid tacos. Her Ramona stories always ring true to me.

It is good advice to write what you know. The bonus is that through writing, that you can know more, just as an artist learns about an object from drawing it. Ideas are infinite as long as we continue to observe, notice, transform, and learn from our lives.

 P.S. Conference highlights always include familiar faces. 

Here is Micheal Allen Austin and I acting blurry. Amazon named Micheal 's book 

“Cowpoke Clyde and Dirty Dawg” a Best Book of the Year (picture book category).

Lori Nichols received SCBWI Portfolio Showcase awards the last two years. 

Look for her book "Maple" coming soon.